A Quick Guide to Revealing Your Spanking Interests to Your Partner


English: Spanking, as a part of BSDM sexual ac...

English: Spanking, as a part of BSDM sexual activity/play: “Woman was paddled for her disobedience” Deutsch: Eine Frau wurde für ihren Ungehorsam mit einem Paddle bestraft (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

If spanking is a sexual turn-on for you, it should be treated as any other sexual turn-on in your relationship. In other words, if you find it difficult to discuss oral sex, it’s likely too soon for you to talk about spanking. But if you’re comfortable with your sexuality, then introduce the special feelings you have about spanking into your sex play.

Don’t be nervous your desires. That can put your partner off. You need to be confident to inspire your partner. Fear and trepidation can squick you both.

Remember that playful swats are exchanged in many relationships; what you’re asking about is more of this type of playfulness. Also remember that your play is consensual; no one is forced into something s/he dislikes. Be sure to establish a safe word before you begin this kind of play.

If you’re open and honest about your desires, and if you exude confidence that your play will be safe and sane, you will feel good about asking for spanking play in your lovemaking. After all – you’re exploring your fetishes in an honest and caring relationship. But remember that it’s okay if your partner refuses to engage in spanking play; that’s a danger of asking for a type of sexual expression that’s outside of the norm. While it can hurt to find that you can’t engage in your favorite fantasies with someone you love, it is one of the risks of any relationship and any fantasy.

But if your partner refuses to consider spanking play, try to understand why you got a negative reaction.

Your partner may have been spanked or beaten as a child. Talking about spanking could bring back those memories. If this is the case, make sure your partner realizes that you were talking about playful spankings. Drop the conversation for the time-being, and let your partner think about your relationship – about the trust that you’ve built. Don’t bring up the subject again; leave that to your partner.

It’s also possible that your partner considers spankings as weird or sick sex play. At this point, you’ll be faced with the decision of whether the relationship is worth continuing. Some people are irrational and judgmental about what is considered good sex play. Don’t let that affect you. Partner’s should be willing to explore one another’s sexuality, so long as the play is safe, sane and consensual

As my darling says to me: Feed your Fetish!

4 responses to “A Quick Guide to Revealing Your Spanking Interests to Your Partner

  1. Wonderful post . . . and everything you’ve said is so, so true.
    I’ve only recently discovered the thrill of spanking (from a new lover, not from “that” book!) And it was wonderful. New experiences then with him, and new experiences since with my husband. A whip, cane and paddle were the first new “toys” we’ve bought in years.
    Yes, “feed your fetish” and live your desires . . . it can be so, so much fun for all.

  2. Very good information. As a thank you a story I’m writing about the first time I spanked my doll to tears: http://thedomnextdoor.wordpress.com/2012/05/23/breaking-leigh/

  3. Pingback: I’ve never had a spanking. What should I do to get one? | Dark Alice, Bent Alice

  4. Pingback: Spanking advice | Spanking Resource

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