In many ways it’s easier to initiate receiving a spanking that it is to give one. People who want to be spanked can begin spanking play by waggling an upturned bottom, dropping his pants or lifting her skirt. This often leads to a mild spanking. But if your partner hasn’t shown any desire to be spanked – what can you do?
Most importantly, be clear about your desires. Communication is the most important aspect of any relationship. Hinting that you’d like to spank your partner is fine, but you have to be clear if you’re thinking of upping the ante. While most people can enjoy a mild and playful spanking, a severe spanking is something that must be thoroughly understood. Harsh spankings are a matter of desire and that’s not a taste that’s easily acquired.
Even if you and your partner are satisfied with mild spankings, there are still issues that you need to deal with.
Pain is the issue that most people think about when it comes to spanking, and they forget that it’s really the emotional aspects that must dealt with first. Spanking is playtime. It’s sexual and erotic. Never (never-ever!) spank someone because you think they deserve it for a perceived shortcoming or mistake, unless that is already a part of your relationship. Some Dom/sub relationships may be able to tolerate – even encourage – this type of behavior. But erotic spanking is not the same as D/s.
If this is playtime, and not a D/s lifestyle relationship, don’t suggest that your partner is in any way submissive to you as you deliver the spanking – other than in taking a spanking. Dom/sub or Power Exchange relationships can be beautiful, but they are very different from an erotic spanking relationship.
Most important of all is to learn to respect your partner’s preferences in dealing with a spanking. When you ask to spank your partner, you’re proposing what is typically seen as harm. Be careful not to push your partner into a bad emotional place when you attempt to introduce spanking into your playtime.
When the actual spanking begins, start slowly. Don’t try bare skin spanking right away. Give the first swat over clothing in a playful way. This gives both of you a chance to get used to the idea, and in particular, it gives you a chance to gauge your partner’s response to the physical strike. Make sure there’s comfort level – an aura of trust – before you decide to spank on. Be careful on those first few swats. Use your hand – not an implement, like a paddle or hairbrush. This gives you better control. During the early stages of developing spanking relationship, a single spank that strikes too hard could give your partner the wrong idea that you want to hurt someone, rather than give an erotic spanking.
If your partner reacts well to the initial spankings, slowly increase the play. Be careful! Spankings by their nature are uncomfortable. That’s part of playtime. But you don’t want to cause any real damage, and find yourself in the position of having to apologize for hurting your partner either physically or emotionally. It’s called Erotic Spanking for a reason!
Take your time. If you are the one who’s introducing your partner to the idea of Erotic Spanking, then it’s up to you to make sure that every spanking you deliver causes more pleasure than pain. Your partner knows that the spanking will hurt, but trusts you to make sure that s/he something wonderful out of the experience.
If bare-bottom spankings are your goal, work toward it slowly. Realistically, there is not a lot of difference between spanking a bottom by a thin covering of material, and one that is bare. But psychological difference is huge. Respect your partner’s boundaries, but don’t be afraid to lean on those fences (push boundaries) every now and then.
As you continue to incorporate spanking into your love play, let your partner be your guide. Pay attention to body language and learn to read your partner for signs that you’re spanking too hard. Remember: Communication is the most important part of a relationship. If you’re open and honest with your partner, you’ll know when you can take your relationship to the next level.